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Post a joke (clean please)!

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RiChess
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2010/03/03 11:54:16 (permalink)
I came across this today, I swear I nearly died laughing! 

Long ago, when sailing ships ruled the waves, a captain and his crew were in  danger of being boarded by a pirate ship.  As the crew became frantic, the  captain bellowed to his First Mate, "Bring me my red shirt!" The First Mate quickly retrieved the captain's red shirt, which the captain put on and led  the crew to battle the pirate boarding party. Although some casualties occurred among the crew, the pirates were  repelled. 

Later that day, the lookout screamed that there were two pirate vessels sending boarding parties.  The crew cowered in fear, but the captain, calm as ever bellowed, "Bring me my red shirt!"  And once again the battle was on, however, the Captain and his crew repelled both boarding parties,although this time more casualties occurred. Weary from the battles, the men sat around on deck that night recounting the day's occurrences when an ensign looked to the Captain and asked,  "Sir, why did you call for your red shirt before the battle?" The Captain, giving the ensign a look that only a captain can give, exhorted, "If I am wounded in battle, the red shirt does not show the  wound and thus, you men will continue to fight unafraid." 

The men sat in silence marveling at the courage of such a man. As dawn came the next morning, the lookout screamed that there were pirate ships,  10 of them, all with boarding parties on their way.  The men became silent  and looked to the Captain, their leader, for his usual command.  The  Captain, calm as ever, bellowed, "Bring me my brown pants!"

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    [WildDog]
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    Re:Post a joke (clean please)! 2010/03/03 17:19:44 (permalink)


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    Halo_003
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    Re:Post a joke (clean please)! 2010/03/03 17:42:28 (permalink)
    lolololol!!!

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    BioHazardSperm
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    Re:Post a joke (clean please)! 2010/03/03 17:45:30 (permalink)
    sorry its short but EVGA TOS yo know so here it is












    My First Marriage


    I am  >>NOT< <   a  EVGA Forums Moderator or a EVGA.com  Employee.
    I am only a  "Game Server Admin"
    My posts and are my own and not EVGA's.
     
    #4
    flamingaxe791
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    Re:Post a joke (clean please)! 2010/03/03 17:46:46 (permalink)
    BFBC 2s servers and punkbuster

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    flamingaxe791
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    Re:Post a joke (clean please)! 2010/03/03 17:47:49 (permalink)
    Its like I just threw $54 in the garbage can! I can't even play the game I bought!

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    RiChess
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    Re:Post a joke (clean please)! 2010/03/03 17:48:19 (permalink)
    flamingaxe791

    BFBC 2s servers and punkbuster



    PB stands for Pure BS. 

    @ LOL Bio, I know the feeling.

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    kidcrumb
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    Re:Post a joke (clean please)! 2010/03/03 17:54:26 (permalink)
    3 girls are applying for a job at a local agency. a Blonde, Brunette and a red head.

    the manager comes out and asks for the Brunette first. He asks her "How many Ds are in Indiana Jones>?" She replies 1.
    He asks for the red head, and asks her the same question, "How many Ds are in Indian Jones?" She replies 1.
    Then he asks for the blonde and he asks "How many D's are there in Indiana Jones?" She thinks for a moment, counting on her fingers and then promptly asks for a calculator. the manager says ok and gives her one. after about 15 minutes she replies with "24."
    The Manager gets up a yells "How did you come up with 24???"

    and the blonde replies, "DaaaaDaDaDaaaaDaDaDaaaaaa....."

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    RiChess
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    Re:Post a joke (clean please)! 2010/03/03 17:59:04 (permalink)
    kidcrumb

    3 girls are applying for a job at a local agency. a Blonde, Brunette and a red head.

    the manager comes out and asks for the Brunette first. He asks her "How many Ds are in Indiana Jones>?" She replies 1.
    He asks for the red head, and asks her the same question, "How many Ds are in Indian Jones?" She replies 1.
    Then he asks for the blonde and he asks "How many D's are there in Indiana Jones?" She thinks for a moment, counting on her fingers and then promptly asks for a calculator. the manager says ok and gives her one. after about 15 minutes she replies with "24."
    The Manager gets up a yells "How did you come up with 24???"

    and the blonde replies, "DaaaaDaDaDaaaaDaDaDaaaaaa....."



    LOL! 

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    #9
    gamer_1
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    Re:Post a joke (clean please)! 2010/03/03 18:49:22 (permalink)
    A blonde, wanting to earn some money, decided to hire herself out as a handyman-type and started canvassing a wealthy neighborhood. She went to the front door of the first house and asked the owner if he had any jobs for her to do.

    "Well, you can paint my porch. How much will you charge?"
    The blonde said, "How about 50 dollars?" The man agreed and told her that the paint and ladders that she might need were in the garage. The man's wife, inside the house, heard the conversation and said to her husband, "Does she realize that the porch goes all the way around the house?"
    The man replied, "She should. She was standing on the porch."

    A short time later, the blonde came to the door to collect her money.
    "You're finished already?" he asked. "Yes," the blonde answered, "and I had paint left over, so I gave it two coats. "Impressed, the man reached in his pocket for the $50. "And by the way," the blonde added, "that's not a Porch, it's a Ferrari."
    #10
    seabigbear
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    Re:Post a joke (clean please)! 2010/03/03 18:51:31 (permalink)
    Hears one!!!!

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    RiChess
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    Re:Post a joke (clean please)! 2010/03/03 18:53:25 (permalink)
    gamer_1

    A blonde, wanting to earn some money, decided to hire herself out as a handyman-type and started canvassing a wealthy neighborhood. She went to the front door of the first house and asked the owner if he had any jobs for her to do.

    "Well, you can paint my porch. How much will you charge?"
    The blonde said, "How about 50 dollars?" The man agreed and told her that the paint and ladders that she might need were in the garage. The man's wife, inside the house, heard the conversation and said to her husband, "Does she realize that the porch goes all the way around the house?"
    The man replied, "She should. She was standing on the porch."

    A short time later, the blonde came to the door to collect her money.
    "You're finished already?" he asked. "Yes," the blonde answered, "and I had paint left over, so I gave it two coats. "Impressed, the man reached in his pocket for the $50. "And by the way," the blonde added, "that's not a Porch, it's a Ferrari."



    I know a guy like that, dumb as a pole, but funny as a monkey. ;)

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    #12
    gamer_1
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    Re:Post a joke (clean please)! 2010/03/03 18:53:48 (permalink)
    seabigbear

    Hears one!!!!



    Haha, I love it. "Input" cracks me up.
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    XrayMan
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    Re:Post a joke (clean please)! 2010/03/03 20:31:05 (permalink)
    A man from Meridian, Mississippi, who was going to bed when his wife told him that he'd left the light on in the shed. George opened the door to go turn off the light but saw there were people in the shed in the process of stealing things.

    He immediately phoned the police, who asked "Is someone in your house?" and George said no and explained the situation. Then they explained that all patrols were busy, and that he should simply lock his door and an officer would be there when available.

    George said, "Okay," hung up, counted to 30, and phoned the police again.

    "Hello, I just called you a few seconds ago because there were people in my shed. Well, you don't have to worry about them now because I've just shot them all."

    Then he hung up. Within five minutes three squad cars, an Armed Response unit, and an ambulance showed up. Of course, the police caught the burglars red-handed.

    One of the policemen said to George: "I thought you said that you'd shot them!"

    George said, "I thought you said there was nobody available!"

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    #14
    Sleepee
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    Re:Post a joke (clean please)! 2010/03/03 20:49:01 (permalink)
    Not really a joke, but a real life kinda deal.

    My friends and I were out camping. We woke up the morning that we were leaving, and had begun breaking down camp. We didn't have a lot to eat, some bagels and some cream cheese, because we'd be stopping at some fast food place on the way back. We were out of clean knives though, so we were spreading the cream cheese with a clean steak knife. We proceeded to pass around the cream cheese and bagels, and it finally got to the last person in our row. As he was spreading, it began to turn pink on his bagel. He said, "Hey guys! I didn't know we had strawberry! It's my favorite flavor!" We looked at him bewildered, surprised that he didn't notice the giant, fresh gash on his thumb.

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    cyberT00th
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    Re:Post a joke (clean please)! 2010/03/04 18:01:44 (permalink)
    seabigbear

    Hears one!!!!



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    cyberT00th
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    Re:Post a joke (clean please)! 2010/03/04 18:16:17 (permalink)
    A blonde is driving past a large field of wheat, where she catches a strange sight: it looks like a rowboat in the field. She stops the car to see better and, sure enough, there is another blonde in the boat, steadily rowing the oars. She gets out of her car, walks to the edge of the field and calls out to the boat, "What ARE you doing?"  The blonde in the boat calls back, "I'm rowing out to my ship to meet it!"  The driver stares aghast at the rowboat for a moment. Then she shouts angrily, "It's people like you who give us blondes a bad name! You should have known that will never work!" She pauses for a few more moments, then adds, "And If I knew how, I would swim out there and kick your ass!"
    #17
    billyfromhill
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    Re:Post a joke (clean please)! 2010/03/04 18:24:47 (permalink)
    Did you know that diarrhea is hereditary?

    Yup, it runs in your jeans.
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    DeRico
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    Re:Post a joke (clean please)! 2010/03/04 18:30:50 (permalink)
    A blonde, a redhead and a brunette decide to take a walk in a forest. They keep walking untill they walk upon some tracks, the red-head says "Hey those are Bear Tracks!" the brunette quickly says "No! Those are Deer tracks!" the blonde thinking really hard to herself while the other two are arguing finally adds, "Hey guys, they are turtle tracks!". The two stop arguing and look at the blonde and turn their fury to her. While the three girls were arguing at eachother about the tracks, a train quickly ended the argument.


    #19
    nateman_doo
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    Re:Post a joke (clean please)! 2010/03/04 18:31:00 (permalink)
    Whats the difference between the Government and the Mafia?

    ONE of them is ORGANIZED.



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    seabigbear
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    Re:Post a joke (clean please)! 2010/03/04 19:20:39 (permalink)


    post edited by seabigbear - 2010/03/04 19:23:25

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    sinsear
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    Re:Post a joke (clean please)! 2010/03/04 19:27:36 (permalink)
    seabigbear




    How come I never thought of that when I was in 3rd grade?

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    Phoenixx45
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    Re:Post a joke (clean please)! 2010/03/04 19:33:34 (permalink)
    Haha the original joke is a classic, laugh every time! All the others are great too!

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    XrayMan
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    Re:Post a joke (clean please)! 2010/03/04 19:36:12 (permalink)
    Spelling Water "Sally, can you spell 'water' for me?" the teacher asked.
    " H I J K L M N O," answered Sally promptly.
    Her teacher look puzzled. "That doesn't spell 'water.'"
    "Sure it does," said Sally. "It's all the letters from H to O."                             


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    seabigbear
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    Re:Post a joke (clean please)! 2010/03/04 19:37:58 (permalink)
    XrayMan

    Spelling Water

    "Sally, can you spell 'water' for me?" the teacher asked.
    " H I J K L M N O," answered Sally promptly.
    Her teacher look puzzled. "That doesn't spell 'water.'"
    "Sure it does," said Sally. "It's all the letters from H to O."                             



    #25
    LonelyStoner
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    Re:Post a joke (clean please)! 2010/03/04 22:50:42 (permalink)

    Chuck Norris can divide by zero.

     

     

     

    #26
    dktechguy112
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    Re:Post a joke (clean please)! 2010/03/04 23:28:47 (permalink)
    Chuck Norris doesn't go hunting, because hunting implies the possibility of failure, Chuck Norris goes killing.

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    #27
    Mystikalrush
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    Re:Post a joke (clean please)! 2010/03/04 23:33:45 (permalink)
    Whats the difference between a golf ball and a cadillac escalade...                             ...tiger can drive a golf ball 350 meters.

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    #28
    seabigbear
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    Re:Post a joke (clean please)! 2010/03/04 23:54:18 (permalink)
    Mystikalrush

    Whats the difference between a golf ball and a cadillac escalade...                             ...tiger can drive a golf ball 350 meters.



    #29
    sinsear
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    Re:Post a joke (clean please)! 2010/03/05 01:00:33 (permalink)
    There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of creatures Chuck Norris allows to live.

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