I was starting to get impatient, so instead of trying to deal with customer service and possibly have to wait even longer for a fix that might not even exist, I bit the bullet and updated my card's firmware in windows 10. The steps are very simple although it's a bit of a pain in the butt. If anyone else is trying to resolve this issue in the future, here's what you do:
 
1) Use windows disk management tool to create a new partition. I had to select my main partition and pick "shrink partition" to free up some space. Then click on the unallocated space and make a new partition. You can just keep the windows defaults.
2) Create a bootable windows 10 USB. I happened to have one lying around but this is really easy to do if you just search the internet for instructions. Plug it in.
3) Plug in the HDMI cable so I can get to the BIOS.
4) Change BIOS settings to boot from the USB and reset.
5) Install windows, selecting the new partition when it asks where you want to install it. Go through all the steps (it's faster if you tell it you don't have a key or an internet connection).
6) Let windows set up until it detects your GPU (check "display adapter" in Windows device manager if you're not sure, it shouldn't be a generic device, rather it should match your card).
7) Download and run the Nvidia displayport update tool NVIDIA Graphics Firmware Update Tool for DisplayPort 1.3 and 1.4
8) Change out the HDMI connection for the displayport connection and reboot to confirm you can get into your BIOS with it.
 
This worked for me and the issue's resolved, although it's really annoying that Windows 11 blocks this tool. But it is what it is.
Alternately, as Cool GTX suggested you could remove your GPU and install it in a system that already has Windows 10 and update that way.
 
I hope this helps someone out in the future. Peace & love, and thanks again for all the help.
 
Edit: I forgot to mention the last step - go back into the disk management tool and delete the partition you created, then you can re-allocate that space onto the original partition. Unless you want to dual-boot Windows 10 and 11 lol.
 
 
edit by Cool GTX added link to Nvidia tool OP used