Some of my personal favorites:
 
Chuck Norris ordered a Big Mac at Burger King, and got one.
 
Chuck Norris and Mr. T walked into a bar. The bar was instantly destroyed,
as that level of awesome cannot be contained in one building.
 
A Handicapped parking sign does not signify that this spot is for handicapped people. It is actually in fact a warning, that the spot belongs to Chuck Norris and that you will be handicapped if you park there.
 
Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles is based on a true story: Chuck Norris once swallowed a turtle whole, and when he crapped it out, the turtle was six feet tall and had learned karate.
 
There are no steroids in baseball. Just players Chuck Norris has breathed on.
 
When Chuck Norris jumps into a pool, he does not get wet, the water gets Chuck Norris
 
Chuck Norris recently had the idea to sell his urine as a canned beverage. We know this beverage as Red Bull.
 
Nagasaki never had a bomb dropped on it. Chuck Norris jumped out of a plane and punched the ground.
 
There are no such things as tornados. Chuck Norris just hates trailer parks.
 
There is no such thing as a lesbian, just a woman who has never met Chuck Norris.
 
Those aren't credits that roll after Walker Texas Ranger. It is actually a list of fatalities that occurred during the making of the episode.
 
The best part of waking up, is not Folgers in your cup, but knowing that Chuck Norris didn't kill you in your sleep.
 
Before sliced bread, people used to say "Thats the greatest thing since Chuck Norris". But Chuck Norris was displeased by this. So he roundhouse kicked a loaf of bread into slices.

If you have five dollars and Chuck Norris has five dollars, Chuck Norris has more money than you
There is no 'ctrl' button on Chuck Norris's computer. Chuck Norris is always in control.
Chuck Norris destroyed the periodic table, because he only recognizes the element of surprise.

Chuck Norris got cancer ... but the cancer died of Chuck Norris...

who is chuck norris ?

If he's her father then can I be his son in law?