UPDATE: Finally received what appears to be a replacement/refurbished unit. Yes, the serials different.
Except I can't use it because they didn't send the 24pin cable back with it...
Contacted EVGA yet again, and once again, they're gonna send that cable back out to me.
I know they state not to send cables with but if it's potentially the problem or a part of it?
To be fair as well, I put a giant worded note at the top of the box stating this...