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Hot!Now For Something Completely Different!

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SmookinJoe
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2021/01/03 17:14:10 (permalink)
I have been meaning to post something like this for awhile...just couldn't find the right justification...
Got outstanding or unusual pictures, transcripts, stories..that you personally experienced or created in your lifespan...
Feel free to join me in posting them here for all to see.
Real stories only please...lol
Just ran across this copy of one of my Resumes many years ago...
I got the nick name Smokin Joe when I was doing Flat Rate High Speed Truckin...
Able to leave late and arrive early..
A cop pulled me over once on the I-5 in Washington...
we talked for 20 minutes and he never once asked to actually see my drivers license...lol
(save that for a nother time)
 
This is the top of Smokin Joe's Resume...
 
 
 
 
Nothing vulgar or mean please...also  the statute of limitations should protect you if you use it correctly...
post edited by SmookinJoe - 2021/01/04 16:21:30

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#1

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    transdogmifier
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    Re: Now For Something Completely Different! 2021/01/04 04:39:14 (permalink)
    I love the "Able to back up (with or without a trailer)" comment heh...
     
    I'm trying to think of something funny to post ....but failing miserably ...hehe
     

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    #2
    Delirious
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    Re: Now For Something Completely Different! 2021/01/04 06:08:42 (permalink)
    I can do the trailer and have a clean driving record

    "Be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to anger" 
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    #3
    SmookinJoe
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    Re: Now For Something Completely Different! 2021/01/04 09:42:20 (permalink)
    transdogmifier
    I love the "Able to back up (with or without a trailer)" comment heh...
     
    I'm trying to think of something funny to post ....but failing miserably ...hehe
     


    Hope you didn't stop there...




    #4
    SmookinJoe
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    Re: Now For Something Completely Different! 2021/01/04 10:35:17 (permalink)
    Delirious
    I can do the trailer and have a clean driving record


    Life and living is so much more than that...




    #5
    troy8d
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    Re: Now For Something Completely Different! 2021/01/04 15:21:34 (permalink)
    Was it really necessary to black out your pager number? 
     
    Smookin Joe still using that pager?!
     
    Also:  the home and cell numbers aren't sufficiently blacked out and are actually readable

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    #6
    SmookinJoe
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    Re: Now For Something Completely Different! 2021/01/04 16:14:27 (permalink)
    troy8d
    Was it really necessary to black out your pager number? 
     
    Smookin Joe still using that pager?!
     
    Also:  the home and cell numbers aren't sufficiently blacked out and are actually readable




    Really ...
    What concerns me is whether you got the real reason I used this resume...
    It was to make fun of the quality of Class 1 drivers they had workin for them and how allot of them treated the motoring public.
    It is even more true today. I SMH when I see other Class 1 drivers not doing their job safely.
    I already did work for this company, they were one of our customers
    My volume of work, for them, went up because of it
    post edited by SmookinJoe - 2021/01/04 16:23:11



    #7
    troy8d
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    Re: Now For Something Completely Different! 2021/01/04 16:42:54 (permalink)
    I got that it was satire, wasn't sure who it was directed at...

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    #8
    SmookinJoe
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    Re: Now For Something Completely Different! 2021/01/04 17:36:09 (permalink)
    troy8d
    I got that it was satire, wasn't sure who it was directed at...


    Everyone in the industry...lol
    Container haulers especially...
    I remember getting pulled over, (trying to get to the port before noon), and this Department of Transport guy is approaching me.
    He has stopped me to do a Smoke/Emissions test on my Classic 87 Freightliner.. (truck is about 15 years old)
    So I am listening quietly, standing on the ground beside the open door of my tractor, as he starts to inform me of his intentions and all I said was "Really?" as I slammed down the throttle pedal multiple times with my finger (This would of caused all kinds of rollin coal if the truck was not setup properly)...
    His response was to turn his head to the stack and comment..
    "Guess not!"
    "No sense in wasting your time and mine"
     
    We laughed and I was on my way again
     
     



    #9
    troy8d
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    Re: Now For Something Completely Different! 2021/01/04 17:46:32 (permalink)
    Sounds like you've got more than one story to keep us entertained!

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    #10
    SmookinJoe
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    Re: Now For Something Completely Different! 2021/01/04 18:33:11 (permalink)
    troy8d
    Sounds like you've got more than one story to keep us entertained!

    Who....me?
    ...
    So Celia and I were sitting there, staring through a windshield, at 1000+ stairs to a lookout, in the middle of nowhere. It was a beautiful sunny morning and we were less than enthused at the moment. We had just scaled down from a sleep six motor home to a raised roof 4x4 Toyota that apparently sleeps 3 1/2 people. Let's say we were moody and not getting along at the moment...lol

    I cued Jagged Little Pill in the tape player and the wife says..."I don't want to listen to that" and quickly I shoot back..."FINE" ..ejecting the tape at the same time..

    I tune in the radio. This is the first time we actually used the radio on our entire trip across Australia ..."50 Dolphins are stranded in Napean Bay" were the first words we heard..."on Kangeroo Island"'??? We quickly checked the map and Napean Bay was just a short ways away, behind us...we threw the Toyota into gear and blasted off..looking at one another and saying..."That is why we are here"



    #11
    troy8d
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    Re: Now For Something Completely Different! 2021/01/04 18:38:52 (permalink)
    Don't keep us in suspense!...

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    #12
    SmookinJoe
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    Re: Now For Something Completely Different! 2021/01/04 18:50:57 (permalink)
    Now this happened in 1999 during our trip across Austrailia.

    Some details I will have trouble remembering but the emotions are strong and real.
    When we arrived at Napean Bay, we parked high above the beach. As we tried to gain access we were challenged and asked why we were there. "To help" was our response. We were directed to the next section down the hill. I sent Celia back to the vehicle to stow the camera because it wouldn't be of any use for the rescue. This is where we got separated.

    I went with a group to the beach and before we got there we were taught what to do and what not to do when it came to dealing with the creatures.

    Talk quietly, approach from the side(so they can see you), don't get any water in their blow hole. Move slowly ....etc

    There was at least one helicopter on the hill maybe two. There were some military style transport near the helicopter. On the beach was a couple of Zodiacs with outboard motors Tents and Awnings a group of people way off in the water, doing something. A backhoe was doing something on the beach. There was a long trench from the water that lead up to the group of Dolphins but it was about 100 yds short of the tents. Dolphins in all shapes and sizes were helter skelter around a very dark dolphin. All of the dolphins had burlap blankets covering everything but their heads and tails, they also had little flags on a wire stuck in the ground beside them. The dark dolphin had no covering. That dolphin was the pregnant female that had lead the rest of the pod to beach themselves. It was dead.

    People were gathered around a couple of guys standing in mud up to their waist and they were passing 20 ltr pails of mud up to the people to carry to the dolphins. As I approached this mayhem I could hear various conversations. Some were offering refreshments from the tents, some were warning about not letting the backhoe get near a particularly large dolphin that was shaking violently when it approached...and some were very grave and talking about dissections, autopsy's, labs and that the flags indicated which ones weren't going to be released because they were too weak and wouldn't survive.....

    Some very small children were talking to the dolphins, one child or maybe two children using little plastic toy buckets and toy shovels placing the dirty mud onto dolphins to keep them hydrated.

    Everything was covered in mud, blood, and dirt. Clothing, buckets, shoes, dolphins, people

    They bleed just like us..

    The blood was dark streams of elongated, congealing...tentacles...I kept hearing the voices of death and dis-pare and thinking what can I do to help...What can I do??

    My hearing started to ring louder and louder...the hissing reached a point where I couldn't hear the voices any more and it was hissing louder and LOUDER...I knew I was going into shock and as I spun around looking for what to do, how to help.... the beach and everything around me started to spin and I desperately needed to find a direction something to focus on and give me hope.

    Suddenly I saw a young man, he was wearing a black divers skin suit and carrying two full pails of fresh water. He looked parched like he was in desperate need and would drop at any minute and it was at that point I found someone to help.

    Something to do.

    I grabbed two mt pails and went to the trench, got fresh water and quickly rushed back. I was cautious in the beginning having remembered the instructions but as time went on I slowly did it faster and faster. I would quickly approach from the side, announce "I'm Back" set down a fresh bucket for the children and helpers to keep pouring fresh cups of water on the dolphin and the other bucket I would drench the dolphin cleansing and refreshing every time I hit them with the bucket of fresh cold clean water.

    They loved it. No one said to stop or slow down. I was careful of the blowhole...they were happy and would flap their tails in the sand every time I did it. Like they were trying to swim...Very quickly the blood was gone, the mud was gone....the voices of doom and gloom disappeared..I looked around for the guy I had started helping he too had disappeared..

    We were quickly running out of dolphins to attend too. The backhoe had been transporting them one at a time and the last guy. The big guy who wasn't going to survive had been upgraded...Everyone had been upgraded.

    They needed volunteers to carry the heavy guy and ...wanting to be where the action is ... I grabbed an edge. We were carrying it on a large burlap sheet with a rope, sewn into the edge surrounding it and this is what we used to carry this 1200lb creature. 20 or 30 steps and then set it down stretch regrab... ok lets go again.

    When we reached the water they said someone needed to stay with the dolphin and keep it upright..."I'll Do it" was my response.

    As I am standing there in 3 ft of water a little 3 ft long dolphin swims by and a little girl is following closely prancing and singing and waving her hands in the water, skimming along the surface. That's her dolphin and she is lookin after it...lol

    Well my guy decides he wants to swim and I am holding onto him because I know it is too shallow. Someone says, "If he wants to swim let em swim"...so I let him go and immediately it rolls on its side and swims in a big counter-clockwise circle. I am high stepping through the water trying to catch up and luckily he comes to a stop nose first driven into a large group of very quiet dolphins.

    Soon as I get a hold of him I spin him upright and a large flute of water comes out the blow hole...Someone says "Can you kindly control your animal" and we all laugh... Everyone is talking and laughing and it is one of the greatest moments you can ever imagine.

    We have just saved them, only one was lost.

    So we are all standing around having a great time and it is decided that we aren't going to wait for high tide a 5pm, it is 2ish and where we are the water is deep enough.

    So we let them go and the large pod of compacted dolphins is moving toward the bay to the east and not towards open water. We keep pushing them and they are still moving in the wrong direction. Now I am starting to get up to my neck in water. the beach is very gradual and I am getting concerned about drowning and causing a distraction.

    I can't swim...

    Now at this point I shout .."Why don't you use the Zodiacs to herd them?" you could see the light bulbs going off in all the educated peoples brains...

    I guess they hadn't seen Flipper before.

    Well at this point they load some kids, boys, girls, young adults into the Zodiacs and away they went.

    It was beautiful.

    And when we walked ashore we all walked together in a long line abreast to one another....It was like the end of a movie.

    I think we were singing too.

    Best day of my life.



    #13
    troy8d
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    Re: Now For Something Completely Different! 2021/01/04 19:08:44 (permalink)
    Quite an amazing story you've got there Joe!

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    #14
    SmookinJoe
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    Re: Now For Something Completely Different! 2021/01/04 19:18:16 (permalink)
    Send you front page of it later...promise
    Have you got any great stuff you'd like to share troy?😉



    #15
    SmookinJoe
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    Re: Now For Something Completely Different! 2021/01/04 21:13:40 (permalink)

    Blue windbreaker...Tilley Hat
    Top right hand corner..
    That's me
     

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    #16
    notfordman
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    Re: Now For Something Completely Different! 2021/01/04 21:48:09 (permalink)
    troy8d
    Quite an amazing story you've got there Joe!


    +1  Quite entertaining. Sounds like a great day at the end of it all. 
    #17
    SmookinJoe
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    Re: Now For Something Completely Different! 2021/01/04 21:48:09 (permalink)
    Rereadin it still gets to me
    Re reading the newspaper clip just makes it even more profound...for me
     
    post edited by SmookinJoe - 2021/01/04 21:50:47



    #18
    SmookinJoe
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    Re: Now For Something Completely Different! 2021/01/09 22:56:57 (permalink)
    I was looking at some photo's today and it reminded me of a story....


    We live in BC Canada and we had some relatives visiting from Alberta. The wife had told the kids to be careful because we had coyotes, raccoons, skunks, in addition to birds and other wildlife that would visit our backyard.
    They didn't bother us and they were fun to watch. Often a new little mother would setup housekeeping under our shop(or a neighbors) and raise her little ones in our backyard.
    Not every year but every so often we would see them "wrestling" in the back yard and before long there would be a new family playing and generally having a good time.

    I had heard the kids talking and there was mention of a skunk...didn't think much about it,..they had been warned.

    Well.. a little while later I heard that the skunk was "sleeping" in the backyard.

    This can't be good!

    I am thinking the worst.

    I immediately head down to investigate.

    I couldn't believe my eyes.

    The little skunk had gotten itself tangled up in a kids hockey net. It had done a roman candle and spun the strands into a thick rope around its neck.
    It looked like a goalie facing down it's opposition...sigh.

    Like a giant spider web, with the head poking out of the middle, lookin straight at me.
     
    What to do?......Call animal control.. is my first thought....AND...
    I leave a message...Sigh!
    What to do?

    I have a knife on my hip but that has got to be scary looking and dangerous if things go wrong...nope!

    Ok scissors...get some scissors!...there is a pair hanging on the wall in the kitchen!...off I go straight past the side of the net...and as I am coming back I start approaching from the wrong side ...
    Why? ...I have no idea but I did...and it's tail goes straight up showing me it's defense system...wrong end...lol

    So I am standing on the right side of our little friend and wondering how I should approach this problem.
    I don't feel good about leaning in holding on to a shiny object and threatening our little guest.
    I know I don't feel good about it and doubt skunky is too thrilled either...so I start cutting the net about 3 feet away and start to talk softly about how things are going..to the skunk...after all no one else needs consoling...not me...I'm solid...I'm good...skunks understand English...when I say it's ok...things are fine...relax...it knows...
    Well as I get closer maybe 2 feet away... the phone RINGS!!!..
    Animal Control!...

    I decide that since they won't be there for a few hours, we don't need them ...skunky and I are going to be fine..but I take a direct number just in case.
    As I return to the net and I am starting to make progress in cutting more netting...the cheering section for the skunk arrives..

    "Your going to get sprayed" "Your going to get sprayed" seemed to be their rallying cry and you can see it is starting to encourage the skunk...sigh...
     
    I gently turn to the wife and say  "yer not helpin" and the cheering section went quiet..
    Now where was I... oh yes....yer gonna be fine...just relax..it's going to be fine... Just relax we're almost done.
    And as I was about 3 inches from the little skunk I noticed it's claws and they are 2 1/2 INCHES long...and round.. like Chinese toothpicks and the rope is solidly around its neck...an INCH thick...sigh
     
    I slid my baby finger between it's neck and the rope and gently keep cutting whispering quietly "Please don't bite me"... "Please don't bite me"
    You could see the little guy is scared  and at this point it slowly turns it's head towards my finger and...and..sniffs me.
    I keep cutting ... it sniffs me again and the next thing I know it is free...gently moving it's head side to side it realizes it too ...slowly backing away and gently pawing the ground, as if, it's looking for food.

    It trips a little and glances in my direction a final time, giving me a nod of approval.
    I was right we didn't need Animal Control..lol


    A week later a radio station was having a contest for bold Tobasco products...

    "If anyone had a story they thought was BOLD to give them a call"...

    My story won a wash bucket overflowing with Tobasco products because I thought it was a pretty bold thing to do..they agreed!
     
    post edited by SmookinJoe - 2021/01/10 02:25:31

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    #19
    SmookinJoe
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    Re: Now For Something Completely Different! 2021/01/10 21:28:56 (permalink)
    I got a million of em but where is the competition?
    I'm not stirring any interest in your own memories..no hero's..no instigators..no class clowns...
    What a bunch o sad sacks...
    post edited by SmookinJoe - 2021/01/10 21:32:12



    #20
    troy8d
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    Re: Now For Something Completely Different! 2021/01/15 12:36:48 (permalink)
    Sorry that I'm not on your level Joe

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    #21
    SmookinJoe
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    Re: Now For Something Completely Different! 2021/01/15 13:30:40 (permalink)
    troy8d
    Sorry that I'm not on your level Joe


    Oh poo..
    I highly doubt that!
    I've seen you in action...
    Come on...I am not THAT bad em I?
    you guys are way funner than me
     
     
     



    #22
    troy8d
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    Re: Now For Something Completely Different! 2021/01/16 06:49:00 (permalink)
    Most of the stories that come to mind for me are dependent on knowing the people involved or the particular situation.  Anytime you end a story with "you'd have to know Bob" or "you had to be there," its not a good story to tell...

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    #23
    SmookinJoe
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    Re: Now For Something Completely Different! 2021/01/16 10:44:11 (permalink)
    troy8d
    Most of the stories that come to mind for me are dependent on knowing the people involved or the particular situation.  Anytime you end a story with "you'd have to know Bob" or "you had to be there," its not a good story to tell...


    Not necessarily...
    You just have to bring us into your minds eye..so we get to know  Bob or ...the story teller feels like his audience has gotten to experience what it was like to have "been there"..
    Stuart McLean was a hilarious story teller...often his stories would start and end on the same subject but this middle was all over the map and many a time I had to find a way to re-listen cause somewhere I got "lost at the bakery"...if you know what I mean
    Like the time Dave "cooked the turkey" or the time the kids created their own daycare business....
    but I guess "you had to be there" ...join me won't you...

     
     
    https://www.google.com/search?client=firefox-b-d&q=Stewart+Meclain
    https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Vinyl_Cafe
    post edited by SmookinJoe - 2021/01/16 11:30:23



    #24
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