OP so when are the divorce proceedings starting?

Should have stuck with the "you can look but don't touch" or "window shopping" approaches and kept it to yourself.

also while I am thinking of it... if your wife is forbidding you to talk to other women, then she clearly does not trust the other woman either.  If she knew she could be trusted, it wouldn't be an issue.  Counseling isnt a bad idea.  She sounds insecure as hell. May be time for you to cut your losses and find a more confident women?  Or, the counseling (and your actions) may help her gain confidence.  There will be a point of diminishing returns in a relationship.  Nothing wrong with tapping out.  It may suck to high heaven in the beginning but things tend to work themselves out - especially if you are young enough to recoup.
 
Remind her you are a human being and a man.  You are designed with the same genetic impulses that make fish swim upstream into the mouths of bear's.  You (and all of us) are designed by nature to pro-create with every woman you possibly can.  Lets return to our roots and see how alpha males get an entire troop of females.  We are NOT a monogamous species.  So tell her to cut you some slack, tell her to grow a pair and.... wait... yea you cant do that with women.  You have to be all gentle and tender and make them feel loved. 
 
 
something I read a while back:
https://www.mrporter.com/journal/journal_issue139/1#1
 
"But all that isn't always easy, especially when you're young. "People have such a childish view of monogamy and fidelity," says Mr Hawke. "'He's cheated so he's bad, she's cheated so she's bad', as opposed to a recognition that our species is not monogamous. To act all indignant, that your world has been rocked because your lover wasn't faithful to you, is a little bit like acting rocked that your hair went grey." Is he monogamous? "I am, but in Before Midnight there is the threat of sexual attraction to others and maintaining your sexual identity with your partner over a long period of time. Human beings are sexual beings."
Mr Hawke adds, emphatically, "My relationship with my present wife is thrilling to me and I'm committed to it. But neither she nor I know what shape the future will come in. Sexual fidelity can't be the whole thing you hang your relationship on. If you really love somebody you want them to grow, but you don't get to define how that happens. They do."

Nateman hit the nail on the head with his last post. You can't go through life as though you're the only two people in existence. What kind of life is that? OP was honest with his wife and she got pissed. Though you can't expect her not to initially, I find it absurd that someone would get mad at someone saying they found someone hot or attractive. Talk about insecurity...

krane
Let me tell you something, my wife and I have no problem telling each other if we find someone else attractive. We even ask each other "What do you think about him/her?  and we would answer honestly She asked me once what I thought of one of her friends and I said I think she's cute, her answer was "Ohh I am telling her what you said."  We can do this because we love each other and we are secure in our relationship.  If you or your significant other are not secure in your relationship then you are going to have trouble. I may have to agree that man was not meant to be monogamous, but if you choose to be then you have to be faithful or move along....  Just my 2 cents.

Hey Crane, how you been buddy? Haven't seen you around much lately, or have I just been hanging out on the wrong threads lol ;)
 
Anyway, despite me saying to the OP earlier it was a freaking stupid thing to say, but yeah you're right, my Mrs points out the 'pretty boys' as she calls them and I realize that it's an observation, it doesn't mean she wants to go screw them.. although there was a time when I wasn't so secure, but that was my problem. For the most part I keep my mouth shut unless she specifically asks because I don't want to hurt her feelings, even though I know she wouldn't take it that way, but that's just how I am, plus my wife is the only one for me anyway. Even if I see a female who is hot, that's just meaningless lust and fades quickly and I would never act on it. The OP unfortunately has gone full retard on this other woman, and claims to be in love with her.. I don't think you or your Mrs would be too happy about that. I take monogamy and marriage seriously because that is a commitment of love we made to each other. My thought is if you're not feeling it anymore, then have some respect for your soon to be ex-partner and break up with them first, THEN go fall in lust and get your rocks off, lol (unless you have an open marriage, but that's not my thing).
 
 
 

Nereus

krane
Let me tell you something, my wife and I have no problem telling each other if we find someone else attractive. We even ask each other "What do you think about him/her?  and we would answer honestly She asked me once what I thought of one of her friends and I said I think she's cute, her answer was "Ohh I am telling her what you said."  We can do this because we love each other and we are secure in our relationship.  If you or your significant other are not secure in your relationship then you are going to have trouble. I may have to agree that man was not meant to be monogamous, but if you choose to be then you have to be faithful or move along....  Just my 2 cents.

Hey Crane, how you been buddy? Haven't seen you around much lately, or have I just been hanging out on the wrong threads lol ;)
 
Anyway, despite me saying to the OP earlier it was a freaking stupid thing to say, but yeah you're right, my Mrs points out the 'pretty boys' as she calls them and I realize that it's an observation, it doesn't mean she wants to go screw them.. although there was a time when I wasn't so secure, but that was my problem. For the most part I keep my mouth shut unless she specifically asks because I don't want to hurt her feelings, even though I know she wouldn't take it that way, but that's just how I am, plus my wife is the only one for me anyway. Even if I see a female who is hot, that's just meaningless lust and fades quickly and I would never act on it. The OP unfortunately has gone full retard on this other woman, and claims to be in love with her.. I don't think you or your Mrs would be too happy about that. I take monogamy and marriage seriously because that is a commitment of love we made to each other. My thought is if you're not feeling it anymore, then have some respect for your soon to be ex-partner and break up with them first, THEN go fall in lust and get your rocks off, lol (unless you have an open marriage, but that's not my thing).
 
 
 

Hey Nereus, I'm good.  I usually try to stay out of these threads, but obviously I couldn't help myself.  There is a difference between saying someone is "cute" and saying as the OP put it "Hot for your best friend"  Although my wife and I are secure in our relationship, we still choose our words carefully.

Your wife needs counselling. You made a mistake. If she can't forgive and move on then that is on her.

kaninja
Your wife needs counselling. You made a mistake. If she can't forgive and move on then that is on her.

LOL riiiight - he screwed up and got infatuated with his Mrs' best friend, and now says he is in 'love' with this other woman, and you're blaming it on the wife? Awesome.
 

agent8
You and candle should just move in together and play video games all day and let your wives go shopping.
Man, I know every marriage has it's share of problems but it's usually the little things like I peed on the seat again or I shoved the cutting board closed while there is still crumbs on it it that I go through. I am thankful for those little things after reading some of these posts.

+1
 

FWIW I only registered on this forum, so that I could try to help spare you some of the heartbreak I have gone through..
 
- Listen to what Nereus & RainStryke said on p.3 of this thread.
 
Speaking from years(in my 50s) of personal experience & in different scenarios, *your only hope* at this point, is to put distance(get away) from the other woman, by finding another job preferrably in a different company or at the very least in another area where you don't see her on a daily basis.
 
By not often seeing this other woman, it will help relieve you of the obsessive "madness" you are feeling. Currently, you are *infatuated* with her and from what it sounds like actually *in love* with your wife.
I have felt the same feelings. You make yourself crazy, running over scenarios and fantasies in your mind. "Crazy-making thoughts" as my psycho-therapist brother calls them.
 
~By finding another job, your wife will see that you are indeed taking action & proving your love for her.

~By not seeing that other woman, it will reduce the lust & obsession, so that you will be able to regain control of yourself. Your wife might even notice the change in you and feel more secure.
 
Hopefully as a result, you may still be able to save your marriage and the absolute misery breaking up will bring you both.
 
For future reference, what has helped keep me from becoming too hung-up on someone, I try to keep a more lackadaisical attitude or a "whatever" mindset towards women I find attractive. That allows me to be more open & friendly, less afraid or intimidated by her. If it turns into something, great, if it doesn't, oh well whatever. At least, I didn't get stressed out/heartbroken over her and hopefully had a nice experience to add to my life. ;)
 
All the best comrade!

VegetaCreeper
My wife won't let her friend know the truth

LMAO - so this other woman - no, wait, this other married woman - has no idea that you are 'in love' infatuated with her, she has probably never reciprocated it in any way, and she is married - presumably happily married - and you're willing to throw your marriage away over it because you're 'in love' infatuated with her, even though she apparently has no feelings for you at all other than being her best friend's husband and there is no chance of this working out (going by the info you've provided)? Seriously?
 
If this other woman found out about your obsession she would likely despise you for betraying her best friend and even more so for ruining their friendship, and could quite possibly get a restraining order out on you if she ever sees this thread (and believe me, the posts you've made here will be very helpful for your soon to be ex-wife's lawyer too), and you'd probably have the husband coming after you as well, and rightly so.
 
But still you persist like some stalker.
 
LOL, this has GOT to be a troll thread - I don't think anybody could be that stupid, but maybe I'm wrong. I'm guessing your soon to be ex-wife will kick your sorry butt out for you continuing to be such a fool. Some people have to learn the hard way, and some never learn. Good luck man whichever you are, because you're going to need it, you've likely got some very hard times ahead of you.
 
Oh, and as others have said, photos please; both of the poor lady who is the subject of your obsession, and perhaps your wife too, since she is likely to be back in the singles market very soon - some members might be interested. lol.
 
 
 
 

It's that moment whether you tell your wife or not. You know that if you don't tell her, then nothing much is going to happen but it will eat you alive, but then once you tell her to get it off your chest, it's the end of the world for her. Not really sure I would have told my wife if this were to ever happen, but I would definitely tell my best friend, only my wife has insecurities with her as well, but I know how to deal with that. Regardless, it's lust, it's not love. The one thing your wife should see is that you were honest with her. Again - Vacation time - the 2 of you - make it happen and make it count.

She is going out and buying booze, WHILE I WRITE THIS

kaninja

Nereus

kaninja
Your wife needs counselling. You made a mistake. If she can't forgive and move on then that is on her.

LOL riiiight - he screwed up and got infatuated with his Mrs' best friend, and now says he is in 'love' with this other woman, and you're blaming it on the wife? Awesome.
 

Yes totaly. I blamed his wife 100%.

What I actually said is she needs counselling. Saying she needs counselling is not placing blame on her at all. It has been months since this happened and if she is still completely off the rails about it then perhaps she needs professional help to help her work through it if she wants.

If she can't forgive and move on, that is on her. Only she can work that part out. He can surely help, but we are master of our emotions.

Nah man, if it had been months since it happened, yeah, you'd have a point, but it's still happening - he's still in looove with the other woman (as of 1 week ago), so yeah, if he had put a lid on it immediately I'd agree with you, but he hasn't. Can't expect her to forgive and move on when he's still doing it. What's more surprising is she's still putting up with him, imho.
 
 

VegetaCreeper
And then I made the unforgivable mistake of answering a question the way that did tonight.....

She asked me, "If we got divorced and she and her husband got divorced, would you go after her?"

Want to hear my GENIUS reaponse?

I said she is out of my league.


I'm not even kidding, smoke was coming out of her head. (Like Majin Buu - for those DBZ fans ).


God, why do I say the DUMBEST crap?

LMAO damn sorry man, but that is funny. Way to rub her face in it. I realize it wasn't intentional, but lol dude... You might be wearing some of that alcohol by the end of the night.